半吊子修仙

半吊子修仙

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【真种田+日常文+田园童话】 被修仙界开除的半吊子修仙者骆一航重返人间,却发现自己的土木双灵根已经无法适应大城市的生活。 只得带着一只猫返回家乡,亲土地,近山林;种菜种花种果树,养鸡养猪养大鹅;熬辣酱,做奶糖,拍拍视频带带货。 闲来无事,叫上三五个儿时好友,寻一处溪水潺潺,架起铁锅炖上一只老鹅,支起烤架烤上一条羊腿,酒到兴处,一曲高歌。 父母在,不远游。 为了活到二百岁而...
骆一航 骆诚
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  地球。

  沪市聚福苑小区,7号楼三单元302。

  客厅中间。

  一道七彩霞光平地升起,展开层层光晕,螺旋向上一圈比一圈明亮,一圈比一圈绚丽,却在即将碰触房顶,色彩最为明艳之时突然散去。

  只在原地留下一个怀里抱着一只猫的青年人。

  骆一航,终于在离开多日后,又回到了自己一室一厅的简陋小家。

  虽然是租的房子,也还怪亲切的嘞。

  大概是四个多月前的一个晚上,骆一航正睡觉呢,突然被“绑架”到一个修仙世界,事发突然,啥都没带,只来得及抱上趴枕头边睡觉的肥猫丁小满。

  在修仙世界,骆一航被告知他身上拥有稀有的土木双灵根,人才难得,所以有幸被修仙大派收为弟子。

  过来的时候顺便帮他斩了尘缘,不用谢。

  ……修仙的人拳头一般比较大,骆一航反抗无果,只得从了。

  反正斩了尘缘之后,之前种种就跟旁观别人的故事一样,在骆一航心中毫无波澜。

  所以既来之则安之,拜师呗,修炼呗,认命呗。

  但是练着练着,就发现不对劲了。

  骆一航身上灵根虽然稀有,但是体质实在太差。

  就像宇宙飞船的发动机,装在木头板车上,它不配套啊。

  同期其他弟子,旬日练气、百日筑基。

  骆一航倒好,修炼了三个月才将将练气入门,四个多月还在练气二阶晃荡。

  按这个速度,等别人十年结丹,百年元婴的时候,骆一航还在练气期混着呢,没准寿命都混完了。

  到时候同门是元婴大能,他是100岁的练气期老前辈。

  要是再嘎了……

  自然老死的修仙者实在给门派丢人。

  没有什么废柴逆袭,也没有什么三十年河东,三十年河西。

  招收骆一航的门派及时止损,果断将骆一航开除。

  双灵根而已嘛,也不算太稀奇是吧。

  顺便把斩了的尘缘,又给续上了……

  回味了一下在修仙界的种种,骆一航还有些伤感。

  一点点伤感,但是不多。

  毕竟他跟修仙门派算是和平分手,有补偿的,包括但不限于让门派高手强行将他修为提升至练气三阶,允许保留记忆,允许继续自学,并附赠基础通行大路货简洁版后续功法一份。

  补偿给够,再无瓜葛,自谋出路,还想咋滴。

  因此骆一航现在是地球上独一份,唯一的一个修仙者。

  最差最差也能健健康康再活个百十年,即便是胡子头发全白了,也能站着尿尿不湿鞋,这是两个目标。

  够可以了。

  再说骆一航只是练的慢而已,又不是不能继续练,今后用用心,努努力,活个两百岁不香么。

  二十多岁不再是少年啦,修仙界虽然神奇,就当个梦吧。

  ……

  仅仅离开几个月而已,人间种种在尘缘续上之后也并不陌生。

  肥肥的虎斑猫丁小满回到家里,扭着胖脸四下打量了一圈,撑起腿从骆一航怀里跳到地上,扭哒扭哒钻到厨房,再跳上灶台把水龙头扒拉开,然后凑近水龙头舔了一口。

  yue~

  丁小满吐了。

  包子脸皱成一团,回来扒着骆一航裤腿喵喵叫。

  骆一航弯腰摸了摸猫头,也感觉空气中闷闷的,有一股怪味,难道是冰箱里东西坏了?。

  “阿嚏!!!”骆一航发出了重回人间的第一声啼鸣,狠狠打了个喷嚏。

  赶紧开窗通风。

  随后骆一航下意识抬手掐法诀竖于胸前,默念玄咒,运起真元开口低喝,“疾,清洁咒!”

  指尖冒出一股小风,刚刚冒头,啪一下消失了。

  ……啥也不是。

  唉,灵气稀少的地方,连个清洁咒都用不出来。

  没关系,还有后招。

  骆一航扭头去厕所,找出拿水桶和拖把。

  丢人啊,堂堂练气三阶正版修仙者,打扫房间还要用拖把。

  幸亏没被同行看见,不然得笑死。

  拖了几下地,骆一航发现不对了,地面并不太脏,家具上落了灰,也只薄薄一层。

  完全不像离开好几个月的样子。

  冰箱里的东西没有坏,但就是有味道。

  而且窗外的味道比屋里还严重。

  骆一航到窗口往下看了看,外面天刚蒙蒙亮,路灯还没有熄灭,街上已经有了行人。

  一切正常,也没闹丧尸啊。

  沪市最近闹污染了?

  骆一航就又关了窗子,想起了还有个东西叫做手机。

  手机跟走的那天一样,还老老实实放在茶几上充电。

  四个多月没摸过手机,都快忘了。

  再次相见甚是想念。

  点亮屏幕,骆一航看见手机屏幕上显示的日期,不禁骂一句:“这帮玩弄时间的家伙,还挺贴心。”

  在修仙界待了四个多月,而地球上只过去了六天。

  ……

  开机,解锁。

  通话记录里有十几个未接电话,都是公司打来的。

  短信收件箱和VX里存了许多未读信息。

  里面的内容多是领导询问为什么没来上班,同事也在问,领导的语气开始还很平和,后来越来越不太好,还想不想干了之类。

  最后是人事处发来的,根据公司规定,无故旷工超过三天,通知骆一航被解除劳动合同。

  同时工资卡还是收到一笔钱,在被开除的时候,前面半个月的工资也打过来了。

  唉,是自己不对,被开了也应该。

  公司公事公办,骆一航也没打算再找过去要点赔偿什么的。

  反正修仙归来骆一航也不打算再上班,正好省心了。

  感谢冷漠的大都市,大活人消失好几天也没报警,而是开除了事。

  以后就是都市修仙了,随便弄点啥不风生水起,装13赚大钱,生活乐无边。

  何苦再996呢。

  都市修仙…都市…都市……

  艹!

  骆一航猛然想起,他是土木双灵根,必须在草木丰茂贴近泥土的地方修炼,都市里修个毛啊!

  而且他也反应过来了,闻到的怪味道不是什么空气污染,而是浊气。

  在人群聚集充满怨念的地方就会产生这玩意,浊气浓郁,不但无法修炼,反而有害。

  三月末沪市工作日的寒冷早晨,满城的打工人被迫从床上爬起来,怨念得有多大。

  浊气这东西,普通人感受不到,高阶修仙者无所谓,唯独骆一航这种练气期小趴菜难以忍受。

  一想到这里,骆一航都感觉自己境界不稳了,好不容易靠着弃徒补偿强行提起来的练气三阶境界甚至有跌落的迹象。

  这地方没法待了!

  赶紧跑!

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  1. 请求信息 : 2026-08-29 19:16:08 HTTP/2.0 GET : https://m.7show.fun/home/novel/index.html?id=66745
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  1. CONNECT:[ UseTime:0.109878s ] mysql:host=106.55.103.98;port=3306;dbname=m_7show_fun;charset=utf8mb4
  2. SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `ky_addons` [ RunTime:0.073752s ]
  3. SELECT `name` FROM `ky_addons` WHERE `status` = 1 AND `has_hook` = 1 [ RunTime:0.073367s ]
  4. SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `ky_template` [ RunTime:0.074113s ]
  5. SELECT `name` FROM `ky_template` WHERE ( ( find_in_set("wap",`mold`) ) AND `default` = 1 ) LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.073859s ]
  6. SELECT `name` FROM `ky_addons` WHERE ( ( find_in_set("wap",`mold`) ) AND `status` = 1 AND `group` = 'author' ) LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.073505s ]
  7. SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `ky_novel` [ RunTime:0.074899s ]
  8. SELECT * FROM `ky_novel` WHERE `id` = 66745 AND `status` = 1 LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.075186s ]
  9. SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `ky_novel_chapter` [ RunTime:0.076286s ]
  10. SELECT `id`,`chapter`,`updated` FROM `ky_novel_chapter` WHERE `novel_id` = 66745 AND `status` = 1 LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.073029s ]
  11. SELECT `id`,`chapter` FROM `ky_novel_chapter` WHERE ( `status` = 1 AND `novel_id` = 66745 ) LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.076650s ]
  12. SELECT `name` FROM `ky_addons` WHERE `status` = 1 AND `group` = 'storage' LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.075621s ]
  13. SELECT `hits_time` FROM `ky_novel` WHERE `id` = 66745 LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.074933s ]
  14. UPDATE `ky_novel` SET `hits_day` = 1 , `hits_week` = hits_week+1 , `hits_month` = hits_month+1 , `hits` = hits+1 , `hits_time` = 1788002169 WHERE `id` = 66745 [ RunTime:0.076042s ]
  15. SELECT `name` FROM `ky_addons` WHERE `status` = 1 AND `group` = 'author' LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.073595s ]
  16. SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `ky_bookshelf` [ RunTime:0.073593s ]
  17. SELECT `id`,`chapter` FROM `ky_novel_chapter` WHERE `novel_id` = 66745 AND `status` = 1 LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.073637s ]
  18. SELECT `id`,`chapter` FROM `ky_novel_chapter` WHERE ( `status` = 1 AND `novel_id` = 66745 ) LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.073482s ]
  19. SHOW FULL COLUMNS FROM `ky_category` [ RunTime:0.076342s ]
  20. SELECT `id` FROM `ky_category` WHERE `status` = 1 AND `pid` = 21 ORDER BY `sort` [ RunTime:0.073149s ]
  21. SELECT * FROM `ky_novel` WHERE ( `status` = 1 AND `sole` > 1 ) ORDER BY `hits` DESC LIMIT 3 [ RunTime:0.132540s ]
  22. SELECT `id`,`chapter`,`updated` FROM `ky_novel_chapter` WHERE `novel_id` = 31299 AND `status` = 1 LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.073629s ]
  23. SELECT `id`,`chapter`,`updated` FROM `ky_novel_chapter` WHERE `novel_id` = 24917 AND `status` = 1 LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.078374s ]
  24. SELECT `id`,`chapter`,`updated` FROM `ky_novel_chapter` WHERE `novel_id` = 61243 AND `status` = 1 LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.074059s ]
  25. SELECT `id`,`chapter` FROM `ky_novel_chapter` WHERE ( `status` = 1 AND `novel_id` = 66745 ) LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.078068s ]
  26. SELECT `name`,`id` FROM `ky_addons` WHERE `status` = 1 AND `group` = 'home_replace_html' [ RunTime:0.073737s ]
  27. SELECT `name`,`id` FROM `ky_addons` WHERE `status` = 1 AND `group` = 'home_js' [ RunTime:0.073733s ]
  28. SELECT `config` FROM `ky_addons` WHERE `name` = 'Wechat' AND `status` = 1 LIMIT 1 [ RunTime:0.073422s ]
2.510330s